How to tell if you are about to take a ladyboy home by accident? If you assign the following points to the the person in question you’ll come up with a total that will give you a reasonably objective measure of reality. Don’t use it when you’re drunk…

1. Man hands? Add 5 points.

2. Man feet? Add 3 points.

3. Big Larynx? Add 4 points. Medium larynx? (still too big) Add 3 points.

4. Big pinky fingernail? Add 5 points. I’ve yet to see a real girl with the 2 inch long pinky fingernail when the rest of the fingernails were shorter.

5. Beard stubble, arm stubble, hair growing out the ears? Add 51 points.

6. Too loud, too aggressive, too eager to get you in bed? Add 4 points.

7. Person in question is hanging around other katoeys? Women do, but usually they are pretty segregated at the bars. The girls don’t want others to think that they are a katoey. Add 4 points.

8. The length of the humerus bone from the elbow to the shoulder is abnormally short for a girl. Girls have longer ones than men do. If it’s shorter than you think it should be, add 3 points.

9. Listen to the voice. If the voice sounds like she ate squirrel for dinner add 40 points.

10. If you notice too much muscle definition and or tone (hardness of the muscles) or, the ‘girl’ is particularly veiny, then add 5 points.

11. If person is taller than 6 foot add 6 points. If taller than 5’10″ add 5 points. If taller than 5’7 add 3 points.

12. Wearing too much make-up? Add 4 points.

13. Dressed up VERY nicely? Overdressed… perhaps wearing a dress at the club? Add 10 points.

Now, add up your points… If you have more than

6 POINTS! I wouldn’t go home with her. Seriously. If the girl in question had any two of the above identifying criteria – she is more than likely a ladyboy. There’s a better than 50% chance in my book. Those aren’t great odds. Best find another target for the night. It’s not like you’re going to run out of opportunities. EVER.

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